Blog #6: Perpetual Processing

I cannot stop

portrait of perpetual processing… (layers of pencil [varying grades] + erasers [really teeny one + kneadable one] + my fingers for smudging + a ruler for lines) started and finished 12/29/24

Lately I’ve had this image in my head of me opening my arms up wide and scooping up everything in front of me, as much as I can hold. I scoop it up then I lay it down on a table.

I look at everything. I start to arrange it: neatly, discreetly, ever so sweetly. I compose a narrative and ensure it is all just so. I shift, I stack, I lean, I pause, I play. I step backwards and forwards and backwards repeatedly, observing.

I toss some things over my shoulder. Then I turn around and pick them up, and put them back on the table. Then I throw some things over my shoulder again, this time with more certainty in my abandon.

I arrange what I’ve kept in all sorts of configurations, and I feel a bit dizzy after much deliberation. But I look at it all for one more moment. Then the moment multiplies.

As I stand there amidst many multiplied moments, perhaps I’ll scratch my head or furrow my brow. I might try to pull the tablecloth out from under everything, like a tepid magician, who wants to make some significant changes, but not a complete overhaul. With an audience there’s always something to prove. You see, the magician is still figuring out what that something is.

Now there is no tablecloth and the things are knocked over and scattered about. I wonder fuzzily what’s next. Maybe if I just leave it, the critics will say that it “rings of freshly exited energy.”

I scoop up more things because more has appeared in front of me in all this meantime. It occurs to me that a noisy fog has been obscuring my vision. I put the new things on the table and fold them in with the old. Nothing has ever been quite clear. I begin to trust myself now. I am also waiting for someone to burst through the door at any second. I feel pleased with it all. Finally, I feel pleased with it all, once I lose track of time in the minutiae of my own innate movement. It makes sense when I don’t think about it.

The table is set. And it might look good. Not that it has to, but it would be nice if it did.

Writing is like walking up the stairs. That’s what I have been thinking. Each step takes you to the next step, which brings you closer to a (desired?) destination. And the destination is also the journey! And life is a climb, while we are at it! (of the stairs…or a mountain, of course)

Well, I guess writing could be like walking anywhere. Maybe I said stairs because stairs take you physically higher and writing is… a path to personal enlightenment or something like that mumble mumble mumble. Admittedly, sometimes writing is just milling about in an empty or crowded parking lot. Sometimes it is meandering through a pleasant patch of flowers in a secret world. Or something still else.

Wrench here: (🔧) (Writing is like throwing a wrench): maybe writing is more like looking around while you are walking through life. Writing is processing what you see and experience. But processing is movement…I think writing can be both movement itself and record of movement.

So. Writing is like walking up the stairs or making a mountain out of a molehill. Because life is not only a mountain, but also a hill. And many have taken this path before, so the road is traveled; but take the fork in the road less traveled. And don’t forget to grab the knife and the spoon when you’re jumping over your stars.

Use your utensils to eat up life like a delicious, nourishing meal. Wash and dry your plate and don’t forget to say: goodnight moon! And remember: you can move mountains.

It is a relief to be back here. Back on the horse again. Get on the horse, get off the horse. Get on the horse, get off the horse. Get on, get off. The horse. Yes, the horse. Get on. Get off the horse. Then get back on the horse.

Then parade around the town.

That is me and my blog. <3.

written 01/27/24

It is not uncommon for me to be reflecting on the shoe-to-foot relationship.

Zoom out a bit: the shoe-to-life relationship,

Zoom out again: the object-to-life relationship,

Now zoom in there. The utilitarian yet expressive object-to-life relationship. That is shoe. (👞🛼👢🥿🥾)

We could go even further: the shoe-to-sock relationship. The foot-to-sock relationship. The foot-to-sock-to-life relationship. etc. etc. etc.

In hindsight, I find my last line to feel like quite a hasty conclusion. I guess I like that you could say it really fast: old feet new shoes old feet new shoes old feet new shoes.

Prepositions are clunky and I often like clunky. But sometimes I like light and easy to dance around with, and this opinion applies to both shoes and words. I suppose it is almost always old feet new shoes, or old feet old shoes. Seldom new feet new shoes, except for when you are a baby and they put shoes on you for the first time. And then there’s the ultra rare, new feet old shoes: perhaps if you are inheriting the baby shoes that your mother or brother once wore.

But newness and oldness are relative, and that’s a theme on this here blog, as you’ll be reminded again below. Therefore, I find it reasonable that one could say old shoe new feet, and the feet are new because you declare them so. Separate from time and age, there is symbolism and change. You have old shoes but something changed in your life; you step into your old shoes anew.

Relatively Old: “Waters of March” by Art Garfunkel on Breakaway (1975) and “Águas de Março” by Elis Regina & Antônio Carlos Jobim on Elis y Tom (1974)

Let me start off by saying:

• stick

• stone

• end of road

and furthermore:

• cliff

• fall

• scratch

• lump,

• nothing at all

“Waters of March” is a comforting song for me. I would describe it, in one way, as a soothing list. Mentioned above are a few things on that list. There are some things you can picture in your head, and some that you can just feel. It is a graceful balance of abstract and tangible. I connect with this simple yet evocative, image-laden lyricism. Like a movie montage, or a scroll through your camera roll…but it’s only in your brain.

This is a cover of the Brazilian song, “Águas de Março”, composed by Antônio Carlos Jobim, who helped to create bossa nova music by blending samba and jazz. Jobim wrote both the Portuguese and English lyrics. This is cool I think, because it feels like the essence of the translation is as close to the native original as possible.

My first and only impression of the song, for a long time, was Garfunkel’s cover. Sometimes covers can be awesome. His gentle voice is very suitable for the bossa nova sound. I heard it while watching the end/credits of a movie (The Worst Person in the World (2021)), which is a great place to find or put a great song. It comes across very matter-of-factly in the context of the film; and on any listen arguably, because naming and listing things tends to be a grounding, objective activity. It almost sounds like spoken word in moments, with the manner of the vocal delivery being so unabashedly direct.

While doing my little research here, I landed on the Portuguese version of the song, sung as a duet by Jobim and Elis Regina. Please watch this cute video of them singing it, because they are laughing and whistling and dancing, having palpable fun. There’s a lovely, swinging, back-and-forth quality to this rendition, from those “this and that” kind of lyrics, which naturally shine when two people alternate the singing. Also the use of the tinkling piano is perfectly sparing, and Regina’s vocal decisions are so playful; she leaves me feeling quite dazzled.

I’m glad this is where I eventually arrived, because this duet evokes its own distinct feeling of comfort as well: One more primal and somatic, existing completely outside of my understanding of the words.

words : mind :: sound : body

Relatively New: “Retrace” by ee on Ramadan (2000)

“Retrace” is super tender and inspiring. When I listen, it does make me want to walk down an open road. And on that road, I am definitely following my dreams. Probably walking towards an alluring, bright light. I imagine the road could be somewhere in the universe of Microsoft’s iconic default wallpaper:

Bliss shot by Charles O’Rear (1998)

But the “Retrace” road would probably feel grittier, and maybe autumnal, and a bit more somber…but still hopeful, don’t get me wrong. Like this:

Bliss but I edited it

Maybe your brain conjures something very different when you listen, or similar but still different. And I love that about us.

My ears are very receptive to the opening blip blip blips that fade into the punchy, loopy drums and the driving guitar riff. Those first 15 seconds are a transportive float downwards from space, then sticking a landing and taking energetic steps on solid ground.

My ears are also delighted by the little pewwwww pewww background sound that comes in on the chorus. That repetitive noise reminds me of those baby whistling fireworks that go off in quick succession, or the way my brother’s dog whines, if he were more musically toned and mechanically inclined.

And I love the 2000-ness of this song— the warm, familiar early aughts-ness of it. (I like the word “aughts” btw it is accurate and funny, perfectly self-serious.) The general sound reminds me of the soft rock I absorbed as a young child of that time. So when I hear a song like this, I get this kind of deep blurry old memory-feeling I used to have as a kid. Specifically, a kid riding in the backseat of a car, imagining what it would feel like to be older, based off the music I heard, made by adults. Basically this is how I feel whenever I hear the Goo Goo Dolls.

The lyrics are rather dispiriting in contrast to the uplifting tone of the music. There’s an acknowledgement of self-exasperation and self-defeat coming through. Together, music and lyrics are a good reminder and depiction of the universality of having conflicting feelings. A lot is always happening at once. However, I think there’s a lingering sense of release, acceptance, and embrace, overall. Which leads me to believe the writer is really more forward-moving than how he feels in the moment, amidst his patterns of retracing.

Relatively RIGHT NOW: all vines no leaves [EP] by Branching Out (2024)

Branching Out is my favorite new band on the scene. Wow, I love being sincere. What a weight off my shoulders it is, to say something like that.

I’ve decided to recommend the full EP because I am just that into it. Especially the last song and the first song, but also all the songs in the middle. I like that the first song is called “Branching Out,” because it makes sense to introduce yourself and I think more bands should do that. The last song is called “Sunset,” which signals the end of the day and thus correspondingly, the music.

all vines no leaves has all the best bits and pieces of emo and math rock sprinkled bewitchingly amongst its tracks, alongside consistent pop catchiness. So I’m engaged and entertained the whole time. Lyrically, there’s a potent mix of humor and earnestness, which emerges more and more upon further listens. I’m very much digging the line, “go to the party then hook up with yourself,” that is emphatically repeated in “Branching Out.”

Each song is well-balanced in pace and distribution of energy, slowing down and picking up again and again, so you can mosh and chill and headbang and mosh and feel the lyrics touch your trampled heart then bring a grin to your face. And then you can shout “Woo!” at the end.

All this reflection on Branching Out got me wondering if there was any basis of connection between them and New Sincerity, as in, the trend/ philosophical movement in art/literature/music/film that essentially rejects irony and cynicism in favor of wearing your damn heart on your chest.

(If you are wondering, I personally discovered the term New Sincerity from a random hinge profile…I looked it up because it sounded intriguing to me in name, and it was in fact also intriguing to me in concept. Information and inspiration is everywhere)

Anyways, now I’m drowning in open tabs about metamodernism and new romanticism and post-post-modernism. I’m feeling ever-curious, yet ever-overwhelmed; yet, crucially and reasonably affirmed in my general findings.

I’m getting into pseudo-essay-tangent territory now, but I think emo music has a history of being cringingly sincere and I think it is fair to say some people can have a hard time getting past that. But lately people are like, “I am cringe and I am free.” With this newish post-irony (post-cringe) perspective, there’s new interest and new waves in all sorts of things, including emo.

ANYWAYS,,,a band like Branching Out moves deftly beyond and through irony and sincerity to be ironically sincere (post-post-cringe), which I have just concluded is a metamodern approach to creation. Neat-o!

All this to say, I think they are really cool and you should totally check them out and I am excited to hear what is next and see them live again because it was awesome and fun and memorable the first time.

(One time I was in a target with my friend and I bravely/casually told her that I have a hard time being sincere, and she casually/good-naturedly laughed at that; and indeed it suddenly was all very funny, and everything was going to be okay.)

Ian’s Shoelace Site

In the spirit of shoes, feet, expression, and utility, I’ve decided to share this website I found when I was looking for an exciting new way to lace up.

I imagine you will understand the charm of the site when you visit it, and you might also admire the thoroughness that Ian dedicates to the subject of shoelaces. This website kind of feels like a one person facebook group. There is a new photo posted of a pair of laced shoes seemingly every day.

It is laid out quite clearly: on the matter of laces, there is lacing and there is tying. In both areas there are many methods in which to do so, and in tying there is also untying. (When it comes to unlacing, it seems you are on your own.)

I wish there was a website like this for every thing ever. Theoretically, there could be, if we all lean into our passions and divide accordingly.

In actuality, there are definitely already a lot of people readily sharing their niche interests and knowledge online, but you are more likely to see it through a youtube channel or tiktok account. This site is worth analyzing and noting, to me, because it stands out in the current landscape as an oddly-shaped piece in the ever-shifting internet puzzle. (Fittingly, the site’s creator literally maps out a story of it’s own existence amidst this shifting landscape, by chronicling the ways in which he has attempted to monetize the site and his expertise over the years, from google ads to affiliate links to physical books.)

There is much to discuss in regard to form on the internet, and the evolution of the options we have to present and share (and monetize…) ourselves and our thoughts online. I’m not at a point of making concise or grand statements or predictions or theories, but I am certainly thinking and observing, gathering and discussing. I am doing a bit of that right here right now, on the internet record.

(Hopefully I’ve made it evident that my interest in the form of this site is about more than just perceived nostalgia and vibes. However, I do believe that nostalgia and vibes are powerful, underrated forces and I am always down to talk about this. I am continually accumulating thoughts.)

I think it is worthwhile to imagine how things could be, how you want them to be. Imagination can be quite a telling source of information, arguably worth acting upon.

Left: attempting to age with grace Middle: simple life living the dream made of grass Right: now that is a tree

Check Gallery

At a certain point in my life and this past year, I was assigned the humble, treasured devices of pen and pad of paper. It slowly dawned on me that the time was ripe for drawing. I am glad I ended up in this situation, and I am glad I drew what I did.

One reason I enjoy drawing is because it is a record of time (…akin to writing), especially in this case. Another reason I like drawing is because I am eager to see what will happen when I do it. One thing leads to another and now something exists that didn’t before and I didn’t expect it to look like this, how could I? I like the results a little, a lot, or an average amount. I always learn a bit from each drawing, regardless of whether or not I like it, so who even cares if I like it. Live, laugh, love, learn: LLLL.

I’ve collected, ordered, scanned, named, and uploaded these drawings to the web. You can view them all here.

Yours truly <3,

P.S. Happy belated 1 year blogiversary to blog! :) may blessings pour down upon you all, for reading and seeing and believing in me.